A Guide to Watching the Ottawa Senators at the World Cup of Hockey

by Bonk's Mullet (@BonksMullet)

Every time an international hockey tournament rolls around, there's a conflicting feeling when Team Canada takes on one of our beloved Sens. Sure, Canada is the best country in the world and all other countries can kiss my maple-syrup-coated ass, but I've always found Sens players to feel more "local" than someone like, say, human-swamp-thing Corey Perry.

Corey Perry, "product" of Mike Babcock's "system."

Whether it was rooting for Hossa and Chara on Team Slovakia, trying to feel happy for Alfie when Sweden won gold in '06, or half-heartedly trying to care about whichever country it was that Milan Michalek was from, Sens fans have had a long history of rooting for their international foes.

The World Cup of Hockey starts today, and it features eight 23-man rosters, meaning 184 of hockey's best players are represented in the tournament (or 161 of hockey's best players if you factor in the calibre of Team USA).

Incorrectly assuming all of these players are NHLers, that would mean an average of about 6 players per NHL team are represented at this event. So let's take a look at the definitely 6 Senators that are playing in the World Cup of Hockey, Presented by RC Cola.

Team Canada: No Ottawa Senators

Okay, Team Canada is a pretty tough nut to crack. Point-per-game player Jason Spezza never made the team, so it may be unrealistic to expect up-and-comers like Mike Hoffman and Mark Stone to make the roster. One can only hope that with time, they'll receive more exposure as they continue to dominate on the stat sheet. Moving on!

That feel when you realize kids
only know him from the meme

Team Czech Republic: No Ottawa Senators

I'm fairly certain this team is just Jaromir Jagr and 22 of his closest drinking buddies, so we shouldn't really expect any Sens here.

Hold on, I actually fact-checked this and Jagr isn't even on the team. Why is this team even in the tournament? At least we'll still see the likes of Dmitrij Jaskin, Radko Gudas, and NBA legend Michal Jordan.

Team Finland: No Ottawa Senators

Ottawa has had its fair share of Finnish studs in the past, including Janne Laukkanen, to Jarkko Ruutu, to Jonathan Cheechoo. Nowadays, the Ottawa Senators completely lack Finnish...players.

Note: It says in the Hockey Bloggers Handbook that you have to make a "Finnish" pun whenever possible, so there's nothing I could do there.

Team Russia: No Ottawa Senators

Russian players on the Ottawa Senators? *10 minutes of 'Nam flashbacks, including Alexei Yashin ripping up a cheque, Nikita Filatov skating on the first like, Alexei Kovalev moonwalking through a mine field, and Sergei Gonchar kinda just standing there being fine I guess.*

Team USA: No Ottawa Senators

Despite his lack of spelling prowess, it's clear Bobby Ryan should have been on this team. Actually, now that I look at it, the U.S.'s roster isn't quite that bad. The only players that Ryan could have realistically beat out for a job are only... Abdelkader, Backes, Callahan, Dubinsky, Kesler, Oshie, and van Riemsdyk, but who's counting? 

Oh actually, isn't Ben Bish–oh woops.

Team Europe: No Ottawa Senators

When I think of the Ottawa Senators' most successful draft picks, I think of skilled European forwards. Daniel Alfredsson. Marian Hossa. Martin Havlat. Radek Bonk sort of. As it turns out, Ottawa only has one, yes ONE European player left. ONE!

So surely if the team is made up of solely North American players, and if the Sens are the young, up-and-coming team we believe them to be, they surely should have plenty of players on...

Team North America: No Ottawa Senators

F&@*! What the darn heck! Alright, let's get to the punch line.

Team Sweden: Your 2009-2019 Ottawa Senators

That's the joke. That the only Senator in the tournament is Erik Karlsson. Just like our team on a regular basis. Enjoy the tournament!